Going rogue

So yesterday I took Lucia to her reading class and afterward was heading to Ikea, which is nearby.  I missed the turn for the Ikea parking garage, so was driving around the block to find a place to turn around. I noticed a police car behind me, so made sure to turn on my blinker, and turned into a used car lot. The police followed me and stopped. I assumed maybe they were looking for used cars, donuts or something. Then they came out of the car and asked me for my license and registration. Oh! I forgot to preface this story by saying, I don't have a Swiss drivers license. When we moved here, we were only planning to stay for two years and not planning to get a car. So I thought, what is the point? And didn't get one. Jaime thought I should still get one, but of course, I ignored him. So since then, we bought a car...but I still didn't get the license. The rule here is that if you get your license within one year of moving here, you just show them your current one, they give you a swiss one - no hassle. But if you wait longer, you have to take the Swiss driving exam. I had heard it was all in french and super hard, so I was scared and just decided to go rogue. I figured, what is the worst that can happen? I actually have been pulled over a couple of times and just acted like a dumb American (not hard) and they just let me go and told me to get a Swiss license.
So - I am searching through my purse looking for my license for the officer, and can't find it. I must have moved it and forgot. I asked him what I did, and he said I turned left into the car lot over a solid line - apparently illegal. So I am telling him I can't find my license because I couldn't. He was getting mad at me like I was trying not to find my license... he said you will have to leave your car here. I was like, what? What do you mean? He said you cannot drive if you do not have a license. I said, I have one I am just trying to find it! He said - LADY I AM JUST TRYING TO DO MY JOB, THIS IS MY JOB AND YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT! I said - I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH YOU TRYING TO DO YOUR JOB, I LIKE THE POLICE, I HAVE FAMILY IN THE POLICE AND I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE DOING YOUR JOB, BUT I AM TRYING TO FIND MY LICENSE!
I was just thinking, what is the big deal here - all the other police just let me go when I act like a dumb american, I don't know why this is any different.
We were both mad.
So anyway, I finally find it and um... it's expired. I never even look at the thing apparently along with turning super old in March, I also had an expired license. So he looks at it and says, do you have another one? I say, no I guess not, that is all I have. He goes to talk to his colleague and comes back and says - please give me your car key. I say - why? He says, you cannot drive! I say, then what am I going to do? He said - that is not my problem. I say - WHAT? YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE A SMALL CHILD ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN THE POURING DOWN RAIN? (it was raining really hard) He says - THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM, I CANNOT LET YOU DRIVE! I AM DOING MY JOB!
I said IT'S YOUR JOB TO LEAVE LITTLE KIDS AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH NO WAY HOME?? O.k. normally I like to think I am a pretty calm and even keeled person, but having Lucia part of this situation just brought out the crazy in me. The Ikea in Geneva is in a similar location as the one in Renton - it's right by the airport, nothing around but freeways and industrial office parks. So this is not a place I want to be stuck in the pouring down rain, and I just feel bad that I've gotten my offspring in this situation.
He says - CALL SOMEONE TO COME TO FETCH YOU!
I say - I TRIED CALLING MY HUSBAND BUT HE IS NOT ANSWERING!
He says - THEN CALL SOMEONE ELSE, A FRIEND OR SOMETHING!
I say - THIS IS A DISPOSABLE PHONE, I DON'T HAVE ANYONE'S NUMBERS ON HERE! YOU ARE REALLY JUST GOING TO LEAVE US AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD IN THE POURING DOWN RAIN?
Oh! And another important fact to add. I never charge my pre-paid disposable phone. In three years here, I've probably charged it twice - it is always dead. But for some reason, the night before, I took it out of my purse and decided it was a good idea to have a working phone in case of, ahem, an emergency. Jaime was so shocked that he actually documented it on the calendar.

The officer says - I need your key.
At that point I start crying, and give him the key. So then I get Luc out of the car and prepare to be left at the side of the road. Then I think, wait, what about the car?
So I ask what they are going to do with my car... they say that someone will come to tow it (when I pulled in the car lot, they made me park in a fire zone) and I will have to pay this person $250 chf to tow it. I say - What? Can I just park my car somewhere so it won't get towed till someone can come to get it?
He says - NO! YOUR CAR CANNOT STAY HERE AND YOU CANNOT DRIVE!
I say - I UNDERSTAND I CANNOT DRIVE, BUT CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME MOVE IT!
He says - YOU CANNOT DRIVE I AM JUST DOING MY JOB, THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM! SOMEONE WILL COME TO TAKE YOUR CAR IF YOU CANNOT FIND YOUR HUSBAND TO FETCH IT!
I say - I AM TRYING TO CALL MY HUSBAND BUT HE IS NOT ANSWERING!
So then Luc starts crying too, and we are both standing in the rain under her bumblebee umbrella. The officer offers to let us sit in the police car to wait for the towing man. Oh, and somewhere in this he tells me I have to go to the police station as well. So I didn't want to go in his car because I was angry inside, but it was better than the rain. In the car, Luc starts crying too. I am hoping the officer feels guilty about two crying people in the back of his car, but it doesn't seem to be scoring us any points. I keep trying to call Jaime so he can come and get the car and I won't have to take Lucia to the slammer with me. He finally answers! So I tell him the situation and that he needs to get in a cab asap to get us.  The officer says I need to promise him that Jaime will be there in exactly 15 minutes. I say - I can't promise that, it is raining, he works in downtown Geneve and the traffic is crazy! He talks to Jaime to get him the address of where we are because all I know is that we are at a car lot by Ikea, and he is on his way. So the officer leaves the car to talk to his colleague, and I tell Lucia that her dad is coming to get her and I have to go with the police. She says - are you going to stay there forever? I say, no I just have to go talk to them. She says - when dada comes, is he going to yell at that man too and turn red? I say - no he probably won't yell... but wait, do you mean I turned red when I yelled, or the man did? She says - that man turned really red when you yelled. (Oops)
So while we all wait for Jaime to come, we all calm down and things are not so tense. Lucia starts making her stuffed snake hiss at the police man and I was asking him about his job and crime rates in Geneva - it was somewhat amicable. The officer then tells me that I am lucky he is being so nice, this is too long to wait and that I need to call Jaime again and make sure he is in the cab, or else the towing man is coming. So I call Jaime - he answers and I say - are you in the cab? He says - no I'm just leaving work, I will be in a minute. I say o.k. bye and tell the officer that he is in the cab. So Jaime comes and takes Lucia and the car, and I go with the police. Jaime offers to follow us and take me home, but they say it will be at least two hours. So we decided I would just take a cab home.
So in the car on the way to the station, one of the officers says - immigration is very hard, no? I say, yes, there is always something. He says, it is for you good that we found you on this day to stop you, if you had an accident, it would have been very bad. It is how you say - good and bad for you. I say I understand, it is a mixed blessing. He says - yes, this is mixed for you. Then he says - well you can call your lawyer if you want. This is the word in french, you understand? I say - it is the same in anglais, I understand. But wait a minute, why are you saying that - is there a reason that I should call a lawyer? He says - I am just saying that you can... if you have a friend that is lawyer or something like this. But it is probably o.k. for you.
I have this vision in my head of sitting in the swiss klink for a false french confession that I don't know about, but put it out of my head. I mean, I don't even have a Swiss lawyer to call.
So we get to the station which actually happens to be in the airport. Who knew? In case you find yourself in a spot of trouble at the Geneva airport, the police are through a door right behind baggage claim.
So I have to wait for at least an hour while the officers are typing up their report. I see a family come in that were apparently trying to travel with a newborn but didn't have a family book (a swiss thing) and another man comes in to report his iphone stolen (took him like 45 minutes to report this though because they asked him 45 minutes of questions). Nothing too exciting. So finally I get to go back and speak with the officers. They have written up a statement of what happened and I had to verbally confirm everything they wrote. One was translating for the other one. So they asked me all these questions... first about me driving with no license,what are my reasons for this. But then it moved onto how many people I cared for at home. They wanted to know Lucia's date of birth and also if I had any pets. I told them about Pepe and they wanted to also know how old he was.. so Pepe is now listed in the Swiss police records. I hope he isn't mad! They also wanted to know how much money Jaime made per year, what his job title was, what his total assets were, my total assets were, and oh if I had to be extradited to the U.S did I have enough money to purchase a ticket to do so? Then they asked me if I would be willing to clean the streets in lieu of going to jail. I said, yes. I just wanted to get out of there. The last question was - is there anything else you would like to tell us today? I said no. But do people really tell you extra things? The officer said - yes! You would be surprised. They are scared and they just start talking and tell you everything. I said - if people start confessing to other things, you have to do a whole other report too? They sighed and said yes, sometimes this is the bad part about people telling their stories - it is a lot of work. Anyway, all these questions are for driving without a license/expired license! Seriously, it was like an hour and a half answering questions. They also give me a list of documents that I must send into them in the next 10 days... I haven't translated the whole list - but it passport info, Jaime's salary info, our immigration paperwork, maybe a DNA sample from Lucia, who knows .. So we get finished and they have to call in their Chief to approve what they wrote. They explain that the Chief can also decide that I need to go to jail if he feels like it. And this whole thing is confusing to me because they keep mentioning jail and lawyers, but I am not under arrest or anything... Anyway, Chief is pronounced like chef in french, which I liked. So the Chef comes and looks over everything and says that I will be home soon. So then I think I'm free to go. But apparently after that Chef approves their report, they have to call another Chef (they call him the top chef) for all of Geneva. So I guess if it is a busy night, you wait for a while because the Chef is busy approving other things. So in the meantime we chat about how long the officers have been there - apparently one of them used to make jewelry - he said - I just needed a change? You understand this? I said I understood. The other one was set to retire in about 5 years. He said the job was not good for this long and he was tired... I asked why and he said - usually we only see the worst of people, we never get anyone in here that is so nice like you. So figured that was my cue to apologize for yelling and crying, they both said it was o.k. Then the top Chef called, approved the report and said everything was o.k. The two officers raised their fists and said said libération! You are free to go! I woohooed too - I mean, at this point it had been like 4 hours since I had gotten pulled over. So I was escorted out, conveniently into the airport, and caught a cab home. Jaime and I just looked at each other when I got home. I said - o.k. not now. He said - Really? Can't I even just have one I-told-you-so? I said, maybe tomorrow - seriously. So now I have to wait for my ticket to come in the mail and figure out how to pass the swiss driving test...