My French Admins or Google Translate

One of the unexpected wonders of working in Switzerland for me has been the work culture.  I can't quite put a finger on it, but each day feels a little bit like an adventure.


Take, for instance, our two lovely front desk admins, Audrey and Aline.  They are both darling and extremely helpful, but because of our language differences or because of the work culture here, it is always a bit of touch and go when I get a message from them. You don't realize how much of an anchor a good admin can be until you are in a different country.  Need to order mailing labels?  Check. Need to mail a letter?  Check.  Wondering what the construction workers are doing in the office?  No problem.  Not so much here.  Everything is a little harder to figure.  


Here are a couple of my recent favorite emails from the ladies:

Bonjour,

Please welcome our 25 plants who arrive this morning. New roommate... for the pleasure of the eyes only.

You can watch them, speak to them or even you can give them a nick name!

But... “please, bitte, s’il vous plait, per favore, Per plaschair” (Romanche) do not:

·     Do not empty you coffee, soda, food in the flower pot... it will kill them!
     
     In case they bother you, let me know and I will forward the information for further actions.

What are the further actions for plants?  There are plants "not" for the eyes only?

We have something new, an antibacterial product at the wooden entry door, on your side.

We put it there because you have many microbe on the door handle.

Before to use it, your hand should be clean and dry, then put your hand under the vending machine without press anything, a foam is coming, take one or two doses of this sanitizing foam and rub your hand at least 15 minutes until evaporate.

I just let you know that the soap in the bathroom is already antibacterial.

Okay, thank you for the lesson.    15 minutes is a long time to rub the hands, but ok.  I do find it a little unsettling to talk about my "many" microbes.  

Because open bottle full of liquid in a plastic bag not waterproof... I let you imagine the result and how pleasant it is!

So please “trash smart”!

Good afternoon,

There is a piece in the dishwasher which is defective!!!

Which one?  Will it kill me if I open the door?  

You can go in the kitchen to eat some bakery if you like.

I am trying to cut down on eating bakeries since I've been here.  

Bonjour tout le monde,

I was worry for you, when working late or over the week and all shop are closed!

So here it comes... the vending machine! (of course no drinks... just food).

I do not know yet what will be proposed as treats, but we should have some sandwiches available as a try (I case they are not sold and we have to trash them... we won’t propose them anymore)

I do not have a date among us.

I hope it will be helpful and you will appreciate it. I am looking forward for your feedback: positive or “constructive”!

Merci et bonne journée

I am not sure if someone is looking for a date or to point out that most people in the office have sorry dating lives.

And here are some from this week.  Our office was gutted and remodeled before we came and there has been some repairs that have been needed because of faulty work or faulty engineering, but I have no clue which.  Take a look at the recent messages I've received about the work being done:  I don't know on a daily basis whether to cover my head and run, or laugh:  

Bonjour,

From Monday 7^th February some rebuilt company will work, during 2 weeks, on two of our patio: the one behind me and the one on my left side.

The concrete will be replaced by glass for the optic shop underneath.

It should be noisy on Friday, when they will cut the concrete.

I am sorry for the inconvenient.

Bonne soirée

Glass, optic shop.  Is this some clever play on words?  

I would like to let  you know about the construction schedule.

They will take off the slabs and burn a little bit.

Then in about30 minutes, in the first patio they will do the hole, the machine should be quiet.

After that they sawing so I am sure it will be noisy.

Then I will let you know today for the other day.

Who is burning, exactly?  

Hi again,

Normally the Patio 1 will be finish at the beginning of the afternoon.

You know now the noise because of today, so don’t forget to take your disposal.

It is more for the persons who are next to the Patio 2 which is behind me.

If you have some more queries, I am at your entire disposal.

Not sure how to take my disposal.    

Hello,

There is a generalized failure of hot water today, so if you go to the fitness room, you have to take your shower there exceptionally.

We also have no heating, I hope you are not too cold?

It is around 30 degrees here this week.  Nah, not too cold.  How do you shower exceptionally?  I'll work on that.

Good afternoon,

Last Thursday there was a leakage at the entrance of the building downstairs.

I don’t know if you saw it but to repair this, they have to cut the water.

Could you please don’t try to open the water if you go in the kitchen or in the bathroom during that time.

Don’t hesitate to ask me for another bottle of water, that case you can fill in before the intervention.

Good morning,

Good news!!!

The worker who are doing the work in the Patio need water.

So you can go to the toilet and drink as much as you want!!!

Have a wonderful day.

I appreciate the water being turned on, but I prefer to get my drinking water outside the bathroom.  

The measures will be put in place to protect office/users and reduce noise.

Translucent protection around patios, protection inside floor when needed…

Patios glazed doors will remain closed at all time (noise reduction) .

This afternoon from 1 to 5pm, the masons will sawing in the first patio.

There are doing from below to reduce the noise.

Enjoy your lunch.

Hi,

There is currently a electricity cut in the kitchen area. So the big coffee machine, the fridge, the dishwasher, the water fountain is not working...

You use the small hot spot for now and you have 3 other water fountain.

I am experience a technician this afternoon.

I am sorry for the inconvenient.

Woah...too much information about the technician.  

Really apologize for the misunderstanding and the missing in my communication.

All laughs aside, they both are wonderful and helpful and add a little pizzaz to the day...and if they are using Google Translate to send messages, I can relate.  My translated message to find a dentist to clean my teeth went something like this:  

I of the clean teeth, you and me, sometime?  I like.  

You remain us, totally, again tomorrow, in such,

Trois Suisse